Father’s Day
Kenny had to face it recently. I had it 4 years ago. I’m still dealing with it.
My father is the one I cherished most in my life. He is my idol, mentor and my hero in life. Though he ain’t perfect, a little err makes him more lovely. Once a while, I would replay the bits and bytes of my memories of him. How he woke me up in the middle of night so I can follow him to the wet market. How he rub his chin to make me ticklish. How he turn up to collect my report card without fail every year of my primary school.
I miss him every second of my life. I miss his specialty “Chilli Fish” filled with sambal belacan and deep fried it till crisp. i miss his skillful “Chilli Dried Prawn” that I can eat with plain rice. I miss his Teochew Porridge that is delicious to my delight. In simple term, I miss his cookings. I used to take it for granted that whenever I reach home, he will be finish preparing food for the family. I miss the time I helped him out in the kitchen. He always tell me that I’m no good for the knife and wok. I usually end up helping him with the garbage.
When I was small, I used to fear of losing him someday. In my dreams, I feared and awaken by it. As time sun rise, he returned home and it relieves me. We would then go for nearby hawker stalls have breakfast. There is one time my dad got rob in the market. The fucker hit my dad with hammer on his head. Bleed, my dad struggled and grab attention of passerby. When I reached home after school, I saw him lying on the lazy chair and my heart ache. I can’t do anything. Beyond my capability. I just sat there and we chat.
I feel lost. I feel empty without him. He inspired me. He always hope I do well in school. I noticed it when one of my tutor from Kasturi tuition share with us how parent will react. They’ll wake up early sweeping the porch for hours and hours until the neighbour appeared in front of them. Then they will ask, “How’s your son/daughter fare?” and they’ll proudly tell that “My son scored 10As” or something like that. They’ll feel proud. I relate that story to his visit to a barber shop nearby. He keep telling those uncles how well I do in school and so on. I was delighted to see his face glowing and his eyes shining bright proud of me.
This Father’s Day, I have such tendency to think of him. It’s true that absence makes the heart fonder. Not out of sight out of mind. I miss him dearly, so dearly that I hope I can spend quality time with him. Listening to his voice, looking into his eyes and sharing my ups and downs with him. When I had my first paycheck atfer I graduated, my parents are the first one I wanted to treat them to dinner with. I wanted to buy him “Crocodile” shirt. I wanted be the one who drive him around. I wanted to have him attend my convocation.
I am selfish. I wanted him remain by my side. Though now not physically but spiritually. I know with god will, he is with me spiritually. That’s why I will never trade anything with my memories of him.
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