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I stumbled upon an article or a story about obsession:-

Obsession

I understand this may be weird, but I don’t really care. I want my relationship to be obsessive. I don’t care if others see this as weird, or odd, they won’t be in my life, so their opinion doesn’t matter to me. “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” This holds true to everyone. To me, this would make anything secure.

There is a story about a couple who had obsession. It goes like this-

“The girl loved the boy so much, likewise, the boy loved the girl so much. The girl had few close friends, and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend, though, was all she truly wanted. Though, some days the girl would hang out with her friends, her boyfriend was always on her mind. She got upset whenever the boy hung out with another girl, or even when he texted another girl. They shared many things in common. They had countless smiles to share. While the girl lost some of her friends, she grew closer to her boyfriend. Because of this, they became closer and closer. Everything was perfect, except, one thing. The boy had a best girl friend to whom he could not let go of. No matter how upset his loved one got because of her, he just couldn’t. Many argument arose and after time, they broke up.”

You can view this as either the girl acting selfish, or the boy. If the boy had sacrificed his best friend for his girlfriend’s happiness, they would still be together. The boy knew the girl was obsessed. How many times she texted him, called him, thought about him, only wanted him, and only wanted him to have only her. He didn’t fully realize what he had with her, and what she offered until it was too late. The boy knew what he had done wrong. All the girl wanted was just for them to be together, just them. The boy couldn’t though, he was selfish and couldn’t sacrifice his best friend for his lover’s happiness. Time passed, and the boy knew that he had to have a relationship with obsession. He was only truly happy in that state. He knew what he wanted. That boy was me..

I realize now what mistake I made, and at what cost. You’ll either be in a relationship with obsession, or no obsession. With someone who will either fully emerge them self within you, and likewise, you with them, or they will not. That relationship could of grown, we could of been emerged fully, completely in bliss. But, I sacrificed that future for someone, instead of someone, for that future.

It doesn’t take much to get obsessed with someone. Like we do with a tv show, or a movie, or a song. It is actually that simple. You just have to commit yourself to them fully, and only want them, all the time, anytime, everywhere, anywhere.

One day, I hope to get into a status where my relationship is obsessive. I know from experience, it is truly bliss. Hopefully, though, the obsession will forever grow. This time, no one will stand in my way of the perfect future.

Reflecting on it….

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To quote from a movie I once saw, “it is okay to come from a broken family than living in one. Everyone has their background. Their own stories and their own lives. If a family that is sounds and looks perfect, then look deeper. Perfect families are those I seen in Desperate Housewives. Superficially perfect. How about the underlying under current?

I had the pleasure to meet many people. Different people and from all walk of life. They carry along their stories. I love to listen to their stories. It allows me to understand them better.

Once I had a long lunch with a very customer of mine. He came from tough time. Tough place. Growing up in a ulu place, he know very well the words “tough time”. I listened to his experience living in a shared community. There are public toilets known as Sei Kap Pan which loosely translated to four pieces of wood.

The design of the toilet in a communal area was covered with just ply woods. Toilet bowls does not exist at that time. Only the toilet stool collecting the excretes. By midnight there will be the designated person collecting it to use as fertilisers. Well, that was just a part of his story.

Whenever I dropping by to this place, where the broken family is. It ached me to see how it turns out to be. Whether it was the fate or their destiny? I always believe we reaped what we sow.

They said charity begins at home. The is very true. The family values are what that defines us. How we grow up to be. Many times we leave it to the school or the education system. Have we ever thought doing the deed as the family members? When I looked at them two, I feel sad for them. Their kids grown up to become someone I don’t recognize anymore.

Later that evening, the daughter called me. Asked me to watch over them. Her brothers are useless, she said. What choice do I have? The entire house is broken. To borrow from Confucius:-

Broken House

Things being investigated, knowledge became complete.
物格而後知至
Their knowledge being complete, their thoughts were sincere.
知至而後意誠
Their thoughts being sincere, their hearts were then rectified.
意誠而後心正
Their hearts being rectified, their persons were cultivated.
心正而後身修
Their persons being cultivated, their families were regulated.
身修而後家齊
Their families being regulated, their States were rightly governed.
家齊而後國治
Their States being rightly governed, the entire world was at peace.
國治而後天下平

One don’t come back anymore. He considering that staying out will do better when the old ones are struggling to keep their heads above the water. The other just plain slacking away. Giving up to strive for betterment of the family. The young ones live in a broken house now.

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It’s time to let it go completel. Even though that it can be an aching but be it right or wrong, somehow choice got to be made. It can never be the right choice or the wrong choice. It was always to me the best choice at that particular moment.

Throughout the span of year plus, it changes me. Be it directly or indirectly. Somehow when I saw that post, it somehow impacted me in a way I never felt before. Was it a relieved or a remorse. I had no idea. But it was felt through as though a sharp knife sliced through my heart. I didn’t feel the pain. Probably it was a quick one. But later I felt it. Agony and resentment.

When everything started it was bliss. Like the movie 500 Days of Summer, it ended likewise. When one has nothing to offer and the other has nothing to give, this just a dead end.

That moment of truth started to uncover itself. When the first disagreement appear, I personally thought that it’s part of the deal. When some talks ensue. It was meant as communication. Exchanging of each other mindset. That particular event haunted me. Till today. And I didn’t share with anyone until now on this space of mine.

It was during the event when I had a mishap. Car was sent into the workshop which lasted for a month or more. With the nature of my job, I need a vehicle to bring me to places. I had nothing to back me up. I had to rely on the kindness of other. In this case, my uncle and cellgroup leader, KS. I had to travel to their place to borrow their cars. Swapping between when they needs to use it, it was a tough time.

I recalled that there were one time I rushing to Subang to get hold of the car. At that time it was the rift. I felt tremendously tough to deal with. It took me few hours to get there. From Pandan Indah LRT to KL Sentral for transit, it took me hours to reach. By the time I reached there it was quite late. The other side seems not happy with these. Expecting a make it back, I did make it up. I was too eager to say the least.

CK was right about me. I’m just like the cashier who will shoot everyone out in the end of the day. I told him that seriously I might as I am keeping all the negativity within. Even I myself were afraid of me. I don’t know.

Like a poor dog getting cornered and no way out, no one will know what the dog might do. Same goes to a human being. When the person is getting too much of it, hell will even break loose. I did. It wasn’t good either. I felt bad. I had enough. I know it wasn’t going anywhere. After a diagnosis, I realised I was putting up a behaviour. A behaviour known as passive aggressive. Yes I was behaving that way. Looking back, I pickup it from my dad last time. He was so good at it. Hahaha.

There are three things in my heart. First, it’s hope from my heart. Hoping that letting go will do both well. I has nothing to offer and so. Secondly, my wish that finding the right one that will be capable of offering what I can’t. Lastly, a thank you. Thank you for the time of life.

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We will come to a phase in life when people around you are taking the plunge. A couple taking their vows to each other. Marriage is like a contract that bestow on two for their rest of their life. Yet little did we know that the contract can be void through term called ‘divorce’.

With the divorce rate skyrocketing and faster than these people getting married, it seems to me that the wedding constitution no longer being a matter that we hold sacred anymore.

Wedding and Marriage

Why do we get marry?
The answers to the question usually as follows:-

1. family obligation as to have a heir to their family name.
2. In Malaysia, if the child were to born before the marriage constitution, they well will be define as ‘Anak Haram’ or ‘Anak Luar Nikah’?
3. family value and tradition to get married
4. to give the wife (usually) a place in the family aka status
5. because we are in love.. (meh)
6. our religion doesn’t allow sex before marriage so it is a sin. Fornication!!

What is marriage?
In the Christianity point of view, it is regarded as instituted and ordained by God for the lifelong relationship between one man as husband and one woman as wife, and is to be “held in honor among all….”[Heb. 13:4]

Families or just the two of us?
In the Chinese culture here, the marriage is not just between the man and woman. It involves both side of the families. Usually these include the typical traditions of the marriage where the wedding dinner is the highlight of the day.

Ban Marriage!!!

Family members from far and near are invited to participate in the wedding dinner. The showcase in front of not hundred but thousand of people. The bigger the family, the greater the wedding dinner is.

That is not the end of it. The expansion of the family. An addition to the family – the in-laws. Everyone come from different background and if cross cultural? Worse. What happened if the other family members are the conservative type where as your family members are the open and weird ones? Scenes from meet the parents appear at the back of my mind as I typing this.

Commitment, responsibility and role
When it comes to love and marriage, many people will ended up cold feet. Today, we are living in an instant world. A world of use-and-throw, disposable, pakai buang society. It is much easier to go to the local pubs or clubs and pick up for a One Night Stand.

So What Is Next?

On the last Sunday, I was ironing my clothes when my mom told me that I should get wife. I asked her, Why? Her reply was simple. So she can do the ironing for you. Then this strikes me and I told her, “Why would I want a wife just to wash, iron, food preparing and entertainment when I can have it by myself or sourcing it outside? I don’t see the point. Really.

Nonetheless, it was hard to convince her otherwise as she had her own set of opinions. I simply ignore her later to continue with my ironing.

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What do you expect in return? Are you prepared for it?

In between here and then, often we get different responses from the targeted audience. When it happens, it entire things just shifted itself to another different level of playing ground. It will no longer be the same. It leaves a mark from there onwards.

Confession

When you confess that you love the person, was it a declaration? Or was it some action that you plan to reap from? Let just say that when you confessed to the person, are you expecting the person to react the same by returning the favor. After that particular exchange of confessions were done, the next step to follow through is to seek for the approval to be the person “girlfriend/boyfriend”?

When the person whom confessed getting a rejection, will he/she felt embarrassed by the entire incident that indirectly hurting the ego of the person? The things that matter now is nothing but a plain sight of reciprocate that leads the entire relationship downwards to blow.

How to deal with it becomes something pretty tactful to say the least. Once you said it, there is no going backwards. The person might felt offended because when you said it, it is just because you will feel good after the confession. You feel that you have drop the bomb. It is over. The ball is now over to the other party. How would the other party feel? That you being selfish when the person is not even ready yet for any commitment or he/she wasn’t getting into you yet.

Reciprocate on Your Love

When a person tell you before hand that whether they still can remained as friends, it was a sign. That the person is just not into you and the person was thinking about the negative side of it even when it haven’t started. Was it the beginning of failed relationship? Beats me.

If the person did not confess and kept it inside within thus had no chances to know whether things will work out or not. Given the situation, it was best to keep it within the person. You should never confess anytime too soon. Having patience is the key. Relationship are built over time. Over the time spent together. Never spoil the moments by making confession too early without able to gauge the reaction of the other party.

After all, in the end you still manage to keep a friend.

Beanie Elmo

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She once told me that by getting married to someone is as good as granting the license for him to officially cheat. She was referring to infidelity and extra marital affairs.

Tiger Woods did it.
Jack Neo did it.
Jackie Chan did it.
Chua Soi Lek did it.
Cecilia Cheung did it.
TWINS – Gillian did it.

And the list goes on. It doesn’t seems to stop. Endless. My question was is our perspective towards relationship changed? Are we no longer have faith and belief in the word “Monogamy”? That the she or he is your one and only one?

We human being are weak. Therefore it is only a matter of when before he or she finds someone they think are more compatible and can get more sexual excitement or pleasures. Sometimes, it could purely just ego. I can’t be sure of.

Why we want to sign the marriage paper at the first place? It is because we are committing to the someone we care. Not because they are perfect or what. There will always be someone who is better than this person. Grass is always greener on the other side. Yet the reason we commit to one and another is because we love them for who they are. It is because of the imperfectness they had; that we can bear with it. That we want that particular person to spend the rest of our lives with.

Another friend said maybe because we haven’t found yet. When we do, things will fall in place. By itself. Naturally.

Infidelity

So the question is, “can we prevent cheating from happening?”

Sad to say there is no guarantee or definite answer. First of all is to have a moral compass. You follow your north sign. Don’t just jump into the bandwagon when everyone around you is womanizer and you just go along with the flow. I would say, “f*ck the flow… have it your way”

Secondly, continue to communicate with one and another. Put down your ego. There’s no room for ego in the relationship.

Is he cheating? Is she?

Image sources – womansavers & hubpages

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Indeed said a materialistic world is a realistic world. Sad to say. Not many people have faith in recent times. I guess that time have changed that everyone become selfish themselves. Who would be bother to take up this altruism anymore?

It wasn’t long when I encounter few of it. Be it part of relationship, courtship or anything. How to put it in a context that is easy to digest? By telling stories it would seems the best way.

A friend of mine once told me that if he can’t get a trophy wife, he rather get a rich… and he meant super rich wife to compensate his dream. Well he said that if the wife is not rich, at least she is good looking then he won’t be this upset. While at it, another friend of mine ended up with one of the wealthy man’s daughter. He had only one child – the daughter. My friend make it to be part of the family and now, he seems to be on throne. Had all the money to spare.

Not quite a distance, my mom told me of a cousin. This cousin of mine married a girl whom she is also the only child. The wife had only single parent – the mother. When his mother-in-law passed away, he by default inherited a large sum of wealth. Basically in this case is the properties the mother-in-law owned.

Just yesterday when I was at my uncle’s place. The relatives was talking about the cousin’s new girlfriend whom happened to be wealthy. She got the money through the divorce’s support fee. These relatives of mine were suggesting to him to aim for her money. Secondly, she still had some figure to boot. So it was like win-win for him.

To put my case strong, my aunt once told her niece that to consider that doctor for the reason being the doctor loves her. Even the age gap were like 10 years apart, she still thinks that the man will be able to support her living and will have a better lifestyles.

When someone mother said that to qualify a candidate for the husband and boyfriend is through the man’s family wealth, I personally dismay at the thought of it. I do agree that having certain wealth is indeed important but these wealth can be accumulate over time. Given alone that both couple can work together to have their own savings.

Nonetheless, if tomorrow a girl come up to me and tells me to marry her. I would also look at her background. If she is the only child? Rich?

So, how about you? Let say that you are 23 this year. A man in his 36 propose to you with a 8k diamond ring (which doesn’t even look like 8k), would you consider marrying the guy? (Note: you just gone out on a date with him for 2 months)

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As I grew up listening to Malay songs from artist like 4u2c, Ella and those “dangdut” style like Pisau Cukur and etc, I had a limited exposure on the Chinese songs nor English songs until when I begin to listen to Michael Jackson’s You Are Not Alone. Thanks to my mom who brought back the Thriller Music Video for me to watch.

Jeff Chang - Generosity

Then when I got into my high school, I got myself a auto-reverse playback Walkman cassette player from Sony. I look around for the album to listen to. Then I bought Jacky Cheung’s “我等到花儿也谢了“ for my sister while I still looking for some Chinese songs to listen to. That’s when I begin to search for my sister’s collection and stumbled upon Jeff Chang’s Generosity (寬容). My sister actually took it of from my brother’s car back then.

Being a person whom is English educated and does not know how to read the Chinese, there was some English quote from the album itself. It stated that “Love Is Generosity”.

“True Love Does Not Mean Possion or Jealousy.”

“to love and to be loved are both blessedness. When you’re in love, remember to show more generosity to each other”

In response to that giving up, I can only say that it is not whether giving up or not. It is just the matter of time when we know that possession does not simply mean love. It should means knowing when to let go.

Yes, we might try and do all our means to sustain it but when it is time to let it go then we should let it go. We can rant or curse about the hurtful love that we are going through but in the end, we should let it go. It is hard to do. More easily said than being done.

After all, like I told the friend that she in the end will survive. Just live the life you always wanted. The right man will come.

Living in this world just allows us to experience the life, old, sick and death cycle. Experiencing the pain, emotional ride of our life. At least I can tell people I’ve signed the guestbook. Or collected the stamps at that particular stage of life.

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It took me less than 2 week or so to complete this read. It is a simple easy read. Not too harsh, too deep and too tough to come by. But despite the work, it gives me the effect of bittersweet love. How the author, Tony Parsons inject the emotions into the pages I flipped through slowly.

The storyline was almost predictable but I find myself chasing through the pages till the very last end of it. It was a story about Harry Silver, a man who experiences loss in life. Job. Separation from wife. Death of a father. Upbringing a son. Welcoming a new love in life.

Tony Parsons - Man and Boy

It reflect on the modern man today. The types you tend to see around. I don’t know much about this author but tend to get to see his novels around. Sort of a “lad lit” according to the bookstores. Well, I kind of like this book. Perhaps should I get a sequel from this, “Man and Wife”?

Highly recommended for those who like simple words and to understand todays men. Enough said… just read it.

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that of life is not just about you and me. There are compromising of the other beings. So you decided to move on. There are global issues to take care about. Much bigger and wider picture like child abuse, child trafficking and prostitution. Stuff that not just you and I alone.

Just when you think you have set the mindset clear. As crystal clear as it can be. When we think that way, life hit you with the most unimaginable. It was way beyond my comprehension. Behold!

When you think that life can be so good, even singlehood. Even being alone, single is good enough. That I can survive alone. Without someone.

So I used to think that way until …

someone knocking on my window pane
someone plucking the string of the cello
someone wishes you good night
someone remind you of your meals
someone being angry at you for small thing

and when you had that someone, it is just good enough not to have the whole world but that someone.

Cello

then just when there is someone…

who is opening the door to home
who is playing your favorite song
who is going to wishes you good morning
who is dining with you
who forgive of your everything

you ended with nothing but no one.

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